Striking a balance?

Well,
Srushtee's First Birthday is done. She's walking around. She's eating outside food.

All the people around me - My in-laws, my parents, my sister and my husband have settled into a daily routine that pretty much resembles what they had before Srushtee happened.

I get into work 5 days a week. I have Srushtee with me in the office in the mornings, and in the afternoon, I am supposed to leave her with my Mum and come in to get some serious work done.

I can't.

I am unable to bring myself to leave her. I have a whole lot of excuses - Srushtee wasn't feeling well, my Mum needs her afternoon rest, there isn't anything that I can't do the next morning ... - but that is just what they are:Excuses.

If I am very honest with myself,
I think I'm feeling subconsciously guilty at having to leave her in someone else's care. Am I palming off my responsibilities on someone else?
Will she develop some deep rooted insecurties which will surface as psychological quirks in later life?
Am I insisting on working for the purely selfish and egotistical motive of not having to ask my husband for money?
Should I be giving up my job completely and devoting my entire time to her? Am I just afraid of not having a "Job"?

I have yet to sort these issues out for myself.

In the meantime, I have this feeling that I am going nowhere, that I am running hard to just stay in the same place.

I know that Srushtee will grow up eventually and probably will not want me around in some phases of her life, but unitl then what balance can I strike in my own life?